Relationship Management
I like to document what I learn. Mr. Angajan is really very effective speaker and I very much appreciate all his work which inspired me to jot down what I learnt before the learning gets evaporated. However, that does not mean that I completely agree with all his research or views, neither it means that I do not appreciate the efforts done nor does it mean, that I do not value him/her as a person. However, I find difficulty in accepting the comparison that was found in this seminar. Comparison between the eastern and western culture. I value each culture and appreciate all the benefits and new understanding every culture brings. Every culture and person is special and unique to me.
Getting back to the real topic now.
Spiritual laws for harmony in marriage and relationship.
A beautiful law of attachment:
When you get attached with something higher, you get detached to something lower.
For an example, a child could not leave his favorite toy until he gets a tricycle. He may not leave the tricycle unless he gets a bike, he may not leave a bike, unless he gets a car and so on.
So it is not fruitful of getting detached to one thing or other. It is not fruitful to avoid something or other. It may cause pain. It is wise to appreciate and concentrate on goodness, something more worthy, something more higher and you automatically get detached of something that had been unhelpful, useless, unworthy.
Be a selfish person like a boat which sails in the water, makes full use of water, but does not allow the water to run into it. We are here in the world to enjoy the pleasures by remaining detached, concentrating on what we really want to achieve.
Lotus does not touch the filthy water, though it borns, lives and dies in water.
Natural phenomena of detachment, after crossing 40, you start enjoying religion. No doubt, you enjoy all worldly pleasures but you still remain in religion.
If you add too much water in the alcohol, the alcohol runs off the glass making space for more water. When something is added, the other things go off to make the space for the later thing.
Don't cultivate the negative emotion of staying away or avoiding. Such negative emotion may give rise to other negative emotion that is 'pain' while getting detached. So ultimately enjoy the positive emotion of appreciating and you automatically discard all negativity in your life.
In this era, where we find lot of luxury and amenities, we see the great disharmony in domestic life. There are certain laws that need to be understood to prevent this disharmony.
Marriage is 7 in 1 relationship. This relationship can be the most gratifying one if managed properly.
It satisfies various aspects of your personality.
1. Companion
2. Friend.
3. Guide
4. Security/Protection
5. Respect
6. Solace
7. Procreation/Progeny
It can be gratifying provided you make it work.
In marriage sometimes, either the couple live together or the children hold them together.
In this world, Problem is You and the solution is also You.
A story.
There was a man. He was getting disturbed by his 8 years old boy again and again and was not able to concentrate on what he was doing. To keep the boy busy, the man tore the world map into several pieces and asked the boy to assemble whole map and not to disturb him till the job is done. That man had expected that the boy would take at least 3 or 4 hours to accomplish that task. However, the boy finished doing that within half an hour and reached to his father! The man was very surprised and asked his boy that how did he manage to fulfill this much difficult task within that much short time! The boy replied that I did not assemble the picture of the world map but I assembled my own picture that I found in the rear side of the world map picture. And it became easy to assemble this world map!
The moral of the story is that we can assemble everything right by just assembling ourselves right.
Dont try to change other people and your partner. You need to change yourself.
Life could be merrier by mastering the art of managing relationship.
Marriage is a package deal. Pain and Pleasure are a part of it. Marriage needs nourishing and cherishing. Harmony in the marriage is an organic growth. By becoming the spouse does not mean that you know to be a spouse. Remember, Becoming and being are two different words and one needs to educate himself/herself and put on the positive and planned efforts to be something that gives meaning to the purpose.
Do not respond based on emotions, do respond based on Reasons.
A story of Buddha.
It happened that Lord Buddha passed through one village where some people who did not know him, abused him verbally. The disciples of Buddha got provoked and wanted to give the best reply to their such abuse, however, Buddha stopped them from doing so. Later, on being asked that why were the disciples stopped from giving appropriate punishment to the wrong-doers, Buddha replied calmly, that "the abusers gave what they wanted to give. It was on me to accept what they gave or not. Further, from my side, I gave what I wanted to give. I wanted to respond such conversation silently and not saying anything at all. So that was my message to their response."
We do not need to react to others. We need to focus on how we define ourselves and how we want to respond others. It requires the understanding of what does best define our life.
Paradigm shift
Paradigm changes=Understanding and change in Perception.
A story of a blind child.
Once, during a train journey, some passengers noticed that one 12 years old boy was sitting at the window of the moving train and was screaming joyously on seeing each and every thing whether it was a building, a tree, a cow, or another train and this behavior of that boy disturbed the co-passengers for 3 hours continuously. So after this much time, that group approached the parents and complained about the cause of disturbance and requested to do something about it. The parents replied apologetically that 'the boy who was 12 years old and blind throughout his life, is coming from the hospital after gaining the donation of the eye sight. Whatever he has been watching was the first time for him and therefore he is very excited on seeing everything"once, the fact was discovered, the passengers could understand the feeling of the boy. They were not getting disturbed by the exclamations of the boy anymore. They had cultivated the understanding for the same behavior which was burdensome earlier.
The moral of the story is, when we understand the real thing, we stop complaining. We dont complain because we understand the behavior.
It is much easier to find fault in others. It is not easy to find our own fault.
We all are like a different musical instrument. When we all play together, we make the perfect orchestra and a melodious harmony. It is the joy in being different. It requires understanding in accepting this difference.
When there is a difference of opinion, one should not work on Who is Right but What is Right.
When you think on 'what is right', you progress in your relationship as well as your career.
When you have minimum ego, you merge into the world.
Who is winning in your marriage?
It is really ridiculous to think about who is winning in the marriage. Because if both people cant win, both would lose together.
If you see a married couple where both of the members 'always' agree with each other, you should be sure that one of the member is 'unusual'. As it is very usual for the couple to disagree as they are human.
There is a saying "If you win the argument, you are a loser. Even if you lose the argument, you are the loser." Value the relationship, not the ego.
Think about cultivating the broad mind and sharp intellect.
Difference between
Argument Dialogue
Throws heat Throws light
Springs from Ignorance Springs from Wisdom
Closed mind Open mind
Stick to their view Changes their view
Expression of emotion Expression of reason
Proves who is right. Proves what is right.
Lose even if you win. Win even if you lose.
Clouds reasoning. Clears reasoning.
Lose relationship. Grow relationship.
Clash of Personality Difference of ideology
Find excuses Find solutions.
The relationship works on Trust (Intellect), Respect (Ego) and Love (Mind). If you ever apologize for something to your spouse, it means that you love and respect your spouse more than your ego.
Think about the factors that prevent positive relationship.
Take fresh measurement. The growth is slow but steady. Dont hold old prejudice for the person and the thinking changes over time. Your spouse changes every year. He should be appreciated for every new change and accepted for every beautiful effort he/she has put on to make your married life successful.
Please find the photos of seminar below.
Hope you'd enjoy knowing this research.
Anuradha
