Growing kids and Growing Plants!

Its always beautiful watching growing kids and growing plants as they leave good lessons. Few months ago, I had bought a small ‘Tulsi’ from the market, respecting the importance of it as a herb in our culture, and with the belief  that it is good to have one plant in the home.


When I had bought that from the market, It was too small and in the small earthern pot. I kept watering it for few months and also supervising that it gets proper sunlight and air. Despite this, I did not notice any  remarkable growth in it. Just before few weeks, I transferred the plant into a big pot and surprisingly, within a week, it grew few inches long and the growth again got stagnant!

Does not it give the lesson, the plants grow as much as the earth holds them…and maybe, our kids grow (emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, etc.) as much as our love and warmth holds them.
Is there any age limit where the urge to receive love, warmth or understanding stops? We often cherish the memories of our elders cuddling and loving us when we were kids. In our fast life, Have the new generation parents continued providing same kind of warmth and feelings to their kids? We have heard, “An ounce of practice is better than the pound of knowledge”, Isnt it true that “An ounce of expression is better than the pound of emotions that we carry for others”? We speak thousands of words in a day…How many of them have soothen the young hearts of our near and dear ones?

Well, Its always beautiful watching growing kids and growing plants as they leave good lessons.



We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.  ~Stacia Tauscher

Have a lovely parenting time :)
Anuradha

Some worse mistakes

"Those who do not stand for something, fall for anything". "Plan your life or live life by default". "Control yourself or let others control you".  These three lovely quotes do really make beautiful and almost similar sense. Still, there are some mistakes that we make in our lives and could not show the expected competency in the required area and we are pulled behind in our life.

Some worse mistakes that we may make in our lives are:
1.    Not making the best use of our potential within.
2.    Not recognising Right time, Opportunity and People to help us.
3.    Not jotting down the beautiful and encouraging thoughts that crop in our mind.
4.    Not taking responsibility for our actions, thoughts and words.
5.    Underestimating ourselves or others.
6.    Allowing negative thoughts and people to influence/rule our minds.
7.    Not accepting, caring, loving and enjoying ourselves.

Let us think about a story of a man who never succeeded in his academic career or his profession. Out of depression, he planned to commit suicide. While he was going to do that, on his way, he thought that my life is useless anyway. Let me take an opportunity to find out what made the successful people succeed in their lives? He started interviewing the successful people and kept making notes of all the principles and views that the successful people owned. After one year, when he wrote the book which was the summary of all the principles of these successful men, that ordinary man (Writer of the book) became an overnight millionaire. His book sold like the hot cake. That writer was Dale Carnegie.

There is a saying, “Failure is never final and Success is never ending”.  It is true. It is said that Thomas Edison had succeeded in inventing light bulb after his 10,000 efforts. He had said that I know that if I would make 10 attempts, I would succeed in only one. It is therefore, to succeed,  I would make 10 times more efforts. The failure always says that we need to learn something that we have missed to do so far. One can really make the great difference by making the difference in the way they think. By accepting their weaknesses and strengths, working on their weaknesses and upgrading their strengths, utilising it on something that they like on the consistent basis.

There are some very successful people who are extremely busy. Their lives are tightly scheduled. They get high pay for every hour they contribute doing something. The laymen feel highly honoured when such celebrities are able to spend even a moment with such people. Some people like to take the autographs of celebrities and remember throughout their lives about their beautiful short meeting. Just assume, what if all these rewards (of the time they spend) are not made available to the same people who are celebrities? What if they do not get the same attention from people or if they do not get the same reward for their hourly work? Would they still continue bestowing the same quality of work? Or would they stop providing such quality in their work? Would all of their work worthless without such attention and reward? I do not at all think so. These people are motivated to give their best not because of any external reward but because of their internal reward. They think for themselves, what suits them, and what do they deserve. They choose their habits and thinking which help them succeed. Such habits or thinking do attract the attention or financial reward towards them. They would continue doing something meaningful even if they would not receive anything. They continue doing so, because it is their habit. The choice of their habit adds satisfaction in their lives. Choosing right things should be satisfactory and not stressful.

 If I have some gold and diamonds with me and if I do not value those pieces of gold and diamonds, would their value subside because I did not value? If I throw that precious asset in the garbage bin, do you think, that it was the right place those valuable things deserved? I don’t think so. They always carry value with them. Whether one keeps with them, throw them or sells them. The value does not ever diminish. Similarly, I believe, if a man does not value the worth of his time, his potential, or if he could not attract the attention of the people, it does not mean that everything that he gets in plenty do not carry the value. If you do not know the value of gold and diamond, go and exchange it for something. If you do not know the value of your time and potential, go and exchange it for something that is worthy. Maybe, you might not get the value of the gold or diamond more than the market price, but you would surely get more value for your time and efforts, once you recognise your worth. “A journey of thousand miles start from first step”, have you stepped further?

To exist is to change, to change is to mature and to mature is to create oneself endlessly. –Henry Bergson

Create yourself endlessly and Keep Prospering
Anuradha

Fragile Relationship

This is my writing I had contributed to the community website and have been chosen as the best entry. I have copied my writing from that website to my blogspot for the record.

Fragile Relationship

Rate this Entry

 Finest Blog Winner - First Weekly Pick of December 2011

I am thinking about two different sayings today. The first one says "Relationship is very fragile. Broken relationship can be fixed but the scar of the glue remains permanently". If I am not wrong, it means you are identified as a failure in the relationship. That you were not able to handle your issues on your own! The second saying says that "Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive". The second saying may here be referred to the relationship that damage a person emotionally. But the saying evokes hope, optimism and belief that yes, one can survive and pride with relationship even after passing through different challenges!


If we start thinking on the first saying, we may start viewing the relationship that brings negative outcome. We may become conscious and think more about our role and contribution that we have given in the relationship. We may also associate this feeling with the negative experiences we have passed through. Or maybe, we may become extra conscious and people pleaser to maintain the relationship that we value. It builds a negative perception for our relationship. However, if we focus thinking on the next one, we would feel encouraged to put on our efforts on relationship positively. To understand, value and pride for whatever the relationship brings to us. Nevertheless, It would be more wise and realistic if one assesses the possibility and areas of further damage and takes the preventional steps towards that damage.


Most of the times, we perceive ourselves positively or negatively or do identify our strengths and weaknesses that we have received through the feedback of our relatives. Just wonder how would you think about yourself if your family is withdrawing, condemning, blaming, grumping, jealous, insecured, mean, problem focused? On the other side, how would you feel for yourself when the family is very encouraging, appreciating, loving, caring, understanding, wise and solution focused. I dont mean that the families could be either A or B, as most of the times the families are the mixture of both of the qualities mentioned. The point is what qualities of your family have influenced you extensively! Excluding the exceptions, what qualities are general in the family? What qualities are affecting the lives of the people more in the family?



The best service to the God is the service to human. What is the essence of prayers if a person is not able to make the people in the family happy! The list of satisfying other people and relatives comes after the family. I would not encourage anybody to be 'people pleaser' but would surely wish people to cultivate the skills that assesses the value of a person, feelings of a person, and accepting the person with his/her strengths and weaknesses, while he/she is alive and with you!


We are human. None of us is perfect. We can learn some skills (Appropriate Communication skills and problem solving skills that benefits relationship a lot) that would be helpful. We can UNLEARN some skills that have not been helpful. We can expect FAIRNESS in the relationship. We can cultivate the win-win approach. We can allow everybody involved in the relationship to enjoy the relationship at its fullest.


Few years ago, I had read about Asian Yin and Yang philosophy that says that two incomplete halves meet to make a complete WHOLE as for example, Earth and Sky, Night and Day, Male and Female, Light and Dark, Evil and Good, two semi-circles, etc. Everytime, We do not need to have similar thinking, culture, gender, choices, status, position or other characteristics to make the relationship successful but we do need to have, everytime, an attitude that has beautiful understanding, thinking, words and behavior that is ACCEPTABLE AND FAIR.


Let the relationship grow with time and with experiences. Let the relationship not be expected to be a BLISS without any efforts put on it. A plant needs water at regular interval, it needs fertilizer, appropriate sunlight and environment to grow healthily. It becomes capable to face strong winds and rains when it is at it's maturity stage. Everytime, I wonder, Could we expect our relationship to become directly a fully grown-up tree and survive all challenges? Could we allow our relationship plant grow without the fertilizer (caring words), water at particular interval (caring actions) or in the absence of other environmental factors (allow your person do his/her favourite activities. Allow your person to socialise, grow and enjoy his/her space unless it is not harmful).




It is not advisable to over-do or under-do giving water, fertilizers or exposure to the environment. Spare some time with your relationship so that it grows in your observation and gives you strength when you really need it!Maintain healthy boundary!



With all this understanding, let us wish ourselves a prosperous relationship with our spouse, partner, kids, friends, society, colleagues, and others. Let us give time to the relationship according to it's importance. Let us manage relationship well. And last but not least, do not forget, the first relationship of ours is the relationship with SELF!



Love,
Anuradha

Lavanya's new preschool-Mt Ousley

 This is Lavanya's new preschool. You can see Lavanya playing with her new friend Gayuni who is in pink jacket.

 This is the area where the bags, food and drink bottles are placed. The room beside this is kitchen.

 This is a table and a corner where the kids can play with the small kitchen equipments.

 This corner and table is for coloring pictures.

 Here, the kids do craft.

 Forgotten! It seems that it is also for coloring and crafting purpose.

 Painting things.

 Lavanya is busy with Gayuni. Most of the kids have been picked up by their parents. It is now closing time. The violet colored doors in the end is the way to small room where different picture books and toys are stored.
Beside those violet doors, you can see the kids standing in the area that is used for office work purpose.

 The outside view from the exit of the preschool. This is the play area.

 The red door that you see is for the first aid things and the two doors beside that are toilets.

The outer wall of the preschool. Thats it. Wish Lavanya the happy playing and learning time!

Workshop by Mr. Angajan Day 3

Relationship Management

I like to document what I learn. Mr. Angajan is really very effective speaker and I very much appreciate all his work which inspired me to jot down what I learnt before the learning gets evaporated. However, that does not mean that I completely agree with all his research or views, neither it means that I do not appreciate the efforts done nor does it mean, that I do not value him/her as a person. However, I find difficulty in accepting the comparison that was found in this seminar. Comparison between the eastern and western culture. I value each culture and appreciate all the benefits and new understanding every culture brings. Every culture and person is special and unique to me.

Getting back to the real topic now.

Spiritual laws for harmony in marriage and relationship.

A beautiful law of attachment:
When you get attached with something higher, you get detached to something lower.
For an example, a child could not leave his favorite toy until he gets a tricycle. He may not leave the tricycle unless he gets a bike, he may not leave a bike, unless he gets a car and so on.

So it is not fruitful of getting detached to one thing or other. It is not fruitful to avoid something or other. It may cause pain. It is wise to appreciate and concentrate on goodness, something more worthy, something more higher and you automatically get detached of something that had been unhelpful, useless, unworthy.

Be a selfish person like a boat which sails in the water, makes full use of water, but does not allow the water to run into it. We are here in the world to enjoy the pleasures by remaining detached, concentrating on what we really want to achieve.

Lotus does not touch the filthy water, though it borns, lives and dies in water.

Natural phenomena of detachment, after crossing 40, you start enjoying religion. No doubt, you enjoy all worldly pleasures but you still remain in religion.
If you add too much water in the alcohol, the alcohol runs off the glass making space for more water. When something is added, the other things go off to make the space for the later thing.

Don't cultivate the negative emotion of staying away or avoiding. Such negative emotion may give rise to other negative emotion that is 'pain' while getting detached. So ultimately enjoy the positive emotion of appreciating and you automatically discard all negativity in your life.

In this era, where we find lot of luxury and amenities, we see the great disharmony in domestic life. There are certain laws that need to be understood to prevent this disharmony.

Marriage is 7 in 1 relationship. This relationship can be the most gratifying one if managed properly.

It satisfies various aspects of your personality.
1. Companion
2. Friend.
3. Guide
4. Security/Protection
5. Respect
6. Solace
7. Procreation/Progeny

It can be gratifying provided you make it work.
In marriage sometimes, either the couple live together or the children hold them together.

In this world, Problem is You and the solution is also You.

A story.
There was a man. He was getting disturbed by his 8 years old boy again and again and was not able to concentrate on what he was doing. To keep the boy busy, the man tore the world map into several pieces and asked the boy to assemble whole map and not to disturb him till the job is done. That man had expected that the boy would take at least 3 or 4 hours to accomplish that task. However, the boy finished doing that within half an hour and reached to his father! The man was very surprised and asked his boy that how did he manage to fulfill this much difficult task within that much short time! The boy replied that I did not assemble the picture of the world map but I assembled my own picture that I found in the rear side of the world map picture. And it became easy to assemble this world map!

The moral of the story is that we can assemble everything right by just assembling ourselves right.

Dont try to change other people and your partner. You need to change yourself.

Life could be merrier by mastering the art of managing relationship.

Marriage is a package deal. Pain and Pleasure are a part of it. Marriage needs nourishing and cherishing. Harmony in the marriage is an organic growth. By becoming the spouse does  not mean that you know to be a spouse. Remember, Becoming and being are two different words and one needs to educate himself/herself and put on the positive and planned efforts to be something that gives meaning to the purpose.

Do not respond based on emotions, do respond based on Reasons. 

A story of Buddha.

It happened that Lord Buddha passed through one village where some people who did not know him, abused him verbally. The disciples of Buddha got provoked and wanted to give the best reply to their such abuse, however, Buddha stopped them from doing so. Later, on being asked that why were the disciples stopped from giving appropriate punishment to the wrong-doers, Buddha replied calmly, that "the abusers gave what they wanted to give. It was on me to accept what they gave or not. Further, from my side, I gave what I wanted to give. I wanted to respond such conversation silently and not saying anything at all. So that was my message to their response."


We do not need to react to others. We need to focus on how we define ourselves and how we want to respond others. It requires the understanding of  what does best define our life.

Paradigm shift

Paradigm changes=Understanding and change in Perception.

A story of a blind child.

Once, during a train journey, some passengers noticed that one 12 years old boy was sitting at the window of the moving train and was screaming joyously on seeing each and every thing whether it was a building, a tree, a cow, or another train and this behavior of that boy disturbed the co-passengers for 3 hours continuously. So after this much time, that group approached the parents and complained about the cause of disturbance and requested to do something about it. The parents replied apologetically that 'the boy who was 12 years old and blind throughout his life, is coming from the hospital after gaining the donation of the eye sight. Whatever he has been watching was the first time for him and therefore he is very excited on seeing everything"once, the fact was discovered, the passengers could understand the feeling of the boy. They were not getting disturbed by the exclamations of the boy anymore. They had cultivated the understanding for the same behavior which was burdensome earlier.

The moral of the story is, when we understand the real thing, we stop complaining. We dont complain because we understand the behavior.

It is much easier to find fault in others. It is not easy to find our own fault.

We all are like a different musical instrument. When we all play together, we make the perfect orchestra and a melodious harmony. It is the joy in being different. It requires understanding in accepting this difference.

When there is a difference of opinion, one should not work on Who is Right but What is Right.

When you think on 'what is right', you progress in your relationship as well as your career.

When you have minimum ego, you merge into the world.

Who is winning in your marriage?
It is really ridiculous to think about who is winning in the marriage. Because if both people cant win, both would lose together.

If you see a married couple where both of the members 'always' agree with each other, you should be sure that one of the member is 'unusual'. As it is very usual for the couple to disagree as they are human.

There is a saying "If you win the argument, you are a loser. Even if you lose the argument, you are the loser." Value the relationship, not the ego.

Think about cultivating the broad mind and sharp intellect.

Difference between 

Argument                                                                    Dialogue

Throws heat                                                                Throws light

Springs from Ignorance                                                Springs from Wisdom

Closed mind                                                                 Open mind

Stick to their view                                                        Changes their view

Expression of emotion                                                  Expression of reason

Proves who is right.                                                      Proves what is right.

Lose even if you win.                                                   Win even if you lose.

Clouds reasoning.                                                         Clears reasoning.

Lose relationship.                                                          Grow relationship.

Clash of Personality                                                      Difference of ideology

Find excuses                                                                Find solutions.

The relationship works on Trust (Intellect), Respect (Ego) and Love (Mind). If you ever apologize for something to your spouse, it means that you love and respect your spouse more than your ego. 

Think about the factors that prevent positive relationship.

Take fresh measurement. The growth is slow but steady. Dont hold old prejudice for the person and the thinking changes over time. Your spouse changes every year. He should be appreciated for every new change and accepted for every beautiful effort he/she has put on to make your married life successful.

Please find the photos of seminar below.

Hope you'd enjoy knowing this research.

Anuradha

Workshop by Mr. Angajan Day 2

Stress Management

Stress is an emotional transmitted disease and can be called ETD.

There is a great paradox that even though we have different technological appliances with us in this era that aid us and make our work faster and easier, the level of stress that we experience is far more than the previous generations.

Stress is one of the important factor that makes YOU the ASSET into the Liability.

It is therefore very important to find out the root cause of Stress.

We get more stressed by our negative emotions associated with work than by any other thing.  If we start enjoying our work, we do not find stress in the work. It is also about our belief system. How we believe about the thing. For an example, by associating the work with the tiredness, unpleasant experience or something forced on us, we are likely to suffer while doing that work. Proper time management and organization always help us to do the work without the stress. We can also think about other causes that make us stressed.

Readers Digest once revealed that the damage that the stress related illnesses do to the German economy annually is staggering $65 billion! Think about the effects and damage of stress on whole world!

Most of the people lag behind in their lives not because of lack of opportunity in their life but because of their inability to manage stress.

Do you know? When we face mental agony, we dont give time to find internal factor. We blame on external factors as the cause of Stress and that could not be true!

For an example, if we are physically ill, our G.P. may prescribe us two pills. One for relieving pain and the other for healing our illnesses. The external factors could be compared with the pain reliever which does not really help us in curing our root problem even if we change the outside factors for a while. We could not make a real difference on our stress by having an alcoholic drink, by watching a movie, by having some drugs, or by possessing the luxury. That is the short term remedy. By finding the root cause, we help our selves permanently.

If we do not give attention to our stress related illnesses, it aggravates gradually. As in the above example, the person could not get cured by only having the 'pain reliever', in case of stress related illnesses, a person could not help himself by thinking about the short term remedy to be happy, relaxed and calm.

Stress is a subjective issue. For an example, if we talk about a person who craved for cigarettes madly for 4 days when he was in the rural area where there was no availability of cigarettes and if that person says that the root cause for his stress is 'unavailability of cigarettes' that might not be true. Because there might be many people who abhor even the smell of cigarettes or the smoke that it emits. If cigarettes could be the cause of the stress, it should be, for everybody.  The external causes of stress could not be true. Stress is produced from within. It is produced through our belief system. It is not the difficult spouse/boss/colleague or situation that is causing stress because Stress is not the outer factor.



So long as you would find the cause outside, your inner self would remain stressed.

You have the ability to control your reactions, not other people's behavior.

The other person's behavior is the respond or reaction to your behavior. So if you change your behavior, you change others behavior. 

There is a  story of a daughter-in-law whose husband was the only son of his mother. The mother-in-law was very fussy with her behavior and argued even if the daughter-in-law kept the cups in 46 degree angle instead of 45 degree angle.

The daughter-in-law got very much fed up with her such routine problem and after some months, when she got a chance, she went to a Saint for aid. She told him all her problems with her MIL and requested to help her in this situation. The Saint convinced her to work with him on a plan to kill her MIL as a permanent solution to her problem. He gave her a bottle and asked her to add a drop of that liquid that was poisonous and the MIL would die within 10 to 12 months. The Saint assured that nobody would know about this and the life would become prosperous like never before to her. Apart from this, the saint advised the lady to follow his two conditions while she practices his advise of diluting the drops in MIL's food. He asked the lady to go to her MIL every morning and touch her feet (to show the reverence, as per the culture) and ask her lovingly what she would like to eat that day. The lady was advised to prepare every dish of her MIL's choice and add a drop of that poison into it.

Well, the lady had not expected such kind of solution but as she respected and believed the Saint very much, she believed everything he said and accepted that bottle hesitantly and followed his advises firmly in the routine.

After the elapse of 10 months, the same lady came full of tears to the Saint, and started requesting the Saint to do some miracle and do something to alleviate the effect of whatever poison she has been adding in her MIL's food all these days. She could not see her MIL dying. She said that her MIL had totally changed and is now more loving and caring than even her own mother. It was, no doubt, a gradual change in her MIL and that was terrifically surprising. She said that her life is very much blessed one now and her MIL is now a valuable asset to her life. She could not even think of letting her die!

The Saint confirmed if it is her final decision and later said that she does not need to worry as that was not the bottle of poison but the bottle of sugar syrup.

The moral of the story is that the behavior of other people with us is the reaction of our behavior. As Vedanta principles say that every reaction carries re-reaction, the issue become larger and gets aggravated over time. We can make life easy by being PROACTIVE and not by being REACTIVE.

Suffering is the reaction. Learn accepting the things as they are. Accept them without complaining. We cant blame the Winter for the cold temperature as that is it's basic nature. We cant blame the Summer for the heat in the weather because that is its basic quality. What we can do is being adjusting and accepting. We can be adjusting by wearing warm clothes in Winter and enjoying the season for its special feature. We can be adjusting in Summer by wearing light clothes and enjoying its special characteristics. Whether it is weather or people, they are special for their qualities and that makes them unique in their sense. We can be accepting and adjusting to enjoy their unique qualities. The best thing that we can do for ourselves is being helpful to ourselves and saving ourselves from reacting to others behavior.

When the weather changes, change your mind. When you resist change, you suffer. Be flexible.

We expect the other people in the way, we think is right. However, what is RIGHT to us may not always be right to others.


( I remember one short story on this. Two man were quarreling. The third man arrived over there and asked what is happening. The first man stated and explained his problem. The third man said  "You are Right". The second man then after explained his problem. The third man said that "You are right too". The fourth man who has been watching all these, went to the third man and asked him, how could they both be right at the same time? The third man replied, "Well, I think that You are right too!")

Stress is a mental agitation created by unfulfilled desires.We are stressed when the situation or condition is not acceptable to us.

Man - Desires = God

How desires cause Stress?

1. Object of desire is not available.
2. Object of desire is not contactable.
3. Object of desire changes. (For an example, if I buy a very expensive car and after some days, if  I come to know that there is the latest model introduced in the market that I could have bought with the same budget, I get stressed).
4. Mind changes or loses the value of any object.
5. We are not permitted to contact the object of desire.

Stress/Unhappiness is the distance or gap between the expectation and reality.

Therefore the means to Happiness is Either expect less and accept the reality or expect more and turn it into a Reality!

It takes guts, passion, excellence, vision, courage and perseverance to convert the desires into reality.

TYPES OF DESIRES:

Controlled by Intellect                                            Uncontrolled by Intellect

Goal                                                                       Greed

Ideal                                                                       Aversion

Ambition                                                                 Craving

Aspiration                                                               Obsession

Purpose                                                                   Yearning

and all these leads to....                                         

PEACE                                                                   STRESS

Desires create stressful emotions.
Emotions play havoc of intelligent people. Develop an intellect to control the desires. Desire is an evil between the man and the God. Thus, Man - Desires = God.

Do you know? "When our object of desire is achieved or fulfilled, we develop negative emotion with it.
For an example, after having a toy, a child longs for a tricycle, after possessing a tricycle, the child may long for a bicycle, after having a bicycle, at some stage, he may wish to have a motor cycle or a car and thus desires remain unfulfilled. The negative relation with the gained object always causes 'Unhappiness'. We need to be accepting and being happy with whatever we have.

Love is different than attachment. Love means sacrifice. The person who loves others does not have any conditions or expectations to show his this feelings. He is ready to sacrifice everything for his love. All the rest is attachment. Attachment is linked with the expectations and conditions. We are attached to one thing or other only if our conditions or expectations are fulfilled! It is not wise to waste lot of our mental energy by being Stressed most of the time because of the unavailability of the object of our attachment!

Remember that Unfulfilled desires results into Clouded thinking which results in Delusion and ultimately in the CRASH!

A CLEAR HEAD AND A MATURE HEART IS ALWAYS A FORMIDABLE COMBINATION. - Mother Teressa

The difference between 'Running a business' and 'Ruining a business' is just 'I'. CONTROL 'I'.

Below are some photos of the event by Mr. Angajan. Dont miss reading 7 laws of Emotion and the beautiful lesson of 'Self Transformation' from the slides below.

I have tried documenting the research by Mr. Angajan on 'Stress Management'.
Hope you enjoy reading that.
Anuradha